nick’s (n)-line life

[pre-dated entry]

Kunming is cold. Not cold like England, admittedly but still cold. If England was an ice cube pressed against the back of your neck then Kunming would be a wet flannel to the forehead. Trust me, after the turbo-charged sauna that is Canton province this is cold enough to notice! Enough that I spent several hours hunting for (and bargaining over) a jumper. I ended up with a Chinese army surplus top that probably makers me look like something out of a low budget 80s movie, but I still like it.

Aside from the pleasant temperatures Kunming is an interesting place. It could easily be one of the hill stations in Malaysia, Cambodia, or Vietnam rather than part of mainland China, with the colonial architecture swapped for Chinese han zi (characters). I can’t quite put my finger on what separates it from the rest of China but I suspect it might be something to do with the wide-roads, well ordered traffic system, large numbers of foreigners, and the relaxed pace of life.

There are certainly plenty of tourists in Kunming, something which initially surprised me, at least until I realised that most people were here as an interlude to the South East Asia circuit (mainly from Vietnam) and had decided to “doâ€? China in a week and a half on the way. The remaining foreigners seemed to finger me for the heinous crimes of not having travelled in Sichuan province (another circuit apparently) and for not having intimate knowledge of the region’s tourist hotspots.

I also encountered the first ladyboy I’ve ever met in China, or rather she did her best to encounter me… it has to be said that the experience was not all too favourable. Sitting in a pizza bar the lady finished harassing a Chinese teenager before coming over to sit with me, fool that I am for not ousting her immediately. To cut a long story short the situation eventually required a speedy exit followed by a dive into into the nearest cab. Unfortunately my new friend took this as a cue to follow me in and declined my polite invitation to disembark…

A three way argument with the taxi driver, myself, and the he-she ensued. Loosing my patience with her attempts to convince the taxi driver that I really did want her there I asked the driver to wait before climbing out and forcibly evicting my stowaway. Jumping back into the cab I [somewhat desperately] called for the driver to “jo ba! Chew ba” and off we went leaving an irate and taxiless hopeful behind us.

The driver then began questioning me as to why I’d treated the young lady in such a way, but his concern was replaced by mirth when I struggled for words and came out with: “bu shi xiaojie, shi nan ren” or “it’s not a young lady, it’s a man!â€? (and yes he got a tip for saving me)!

Anyway… coming back to safer subject-matter, the stone forest at nearby Shilin is fairly spectacular, at least once you escape the central theme-park zone (which pays homage to the twin indulgences of plastic figurines and primary colours). The forest is part of the belt of karst scenery which runs from Guillin in China’s Guanxi province, down through Vietnam, all the way to Krabi in Thailand. Huge fingers of protruding limestone jutting out of pan-flat rice paddies and jungle; as I say, spectacular.

As chance would have it, I bumped into a Herbert Smith newly qualified on the bus and it turned out he had just finished a secondment to the Hong Kong office. We decided to tour the rocks together and spent our time climbing around and yes, discussing law, particular Hong Kong’s constitutional situation. What’s more I have to admin I really rather enjoyed both the day and the conversation (funky photos to follow).

Otherwise Kunming was nice enough with cheap and extensive markets and some pretty temples (again in the style of Chinese South East Asian temples rather than mainland equivalents). However, after my narrow escape I was all too eager to head off towards Laos and even accepted the [rather unconvincing] assurances from the Laos embassy that Visa on arrival would be available I packed up and heading on out.