nick’s (n)-line life

As the days tick down towards the four-month anniversary of my departure from the UK, I find myself reflecting on the way things have turned out. In spite of all the difficulties things seem to have gone remarkably well. It is no exaggeration to say that a new chapter of my life has opened-up and that I am finally settled, happy, and enjoying the fruit of the past few years’ hard work and planning.

That’s not to say I’m not working hard; I am. Harder in fact than I can ever remember working, with 60-hour weeks and frequent all-night study sessions. The difference is that now I feel that I am working to further my education and build on stable foundations rather than having to lay the bricks as I climb, so to speak. It is actually quite amazing, at least from my perspective, to reflect on the way things have changed even since the summer. At the end of July I turned up with little more than an over-heavy suitcase and the boundless optimism of a person who fears they might be making a big mistake. To all intents and purposes I was homeless, on a break from work and study with a year to fill and without a place on the very course I had come to Hong Kong to study. As July turned into August I was desperately trying to solve my visa issues, save money by skipping meals, hunting for somewhere to live and all the while trying my best to study and avoid failing the conversion exams which would end my plans pretty sharpish. In fact, things were not good at all.

Today things look very different. Two days ago I managed to close the lid on the last of my real problems. My money situation is resolved, I have somewhere to live and I have my place on Hong Kong University’s PCLL and am working hard to make the most of it. In short: I am settled and I am happy. From here on in it should pretty much be straight sailing until 2011. For the first time since high school I find myself able to stop planning, stop hunting, and start putting down roots. On the other hand, the idea of having nothing more serious to plan that my next vacation is actually a little daunting! For someone who has got into the habit of CCP-style ‘5 -year plans’ it is pretty hard to get used to the idea that things actually worked out and no planning is necessary, for the time being at least.

More than anything else I can’t help but think back to all the people who told me with such certainty that I would fail, who told me outright that what I was trying to do was impossible. Ironically it is these people who gave me the fuel I needed to keep going, to resist the temptation to surrender, and to struggle on at all costs. Of such people, I remember most vividly the high-school classmate who looked into my eyes and told me that I was just another foreigner dreaming of something that would never happen. Indeed, it is with this sentiment in mind, and many others like it, that I headlined this blog.

All of this helps affirm the sense of having left one period of my life, of dark times and of uncertainty, and moving forwards towards something brighter and happier. If I am honest with myself I should confess to the occasions, of which there were many, when thought that the doubters were right: that I wouldn’t make it, that I had taken too many risks, that things would inevitably fall apart. As such the reader should understand that this entry is actually more for myself than for anyone else; it marks the acknowledgement of a turning point in my life; it is here to remind me of the cost of the struggle and, more importantly, of why it was worth the price. Expressed in these terms one can perhaps understand why I can now feel content in myself; why I can just believe that everything will be alright from here on in.